Chapter 15: Let me take you by the hand…
Humans are notoriously slow-witted. By the time we would understand what a Jack Russell means, were he to use normal dog communication, we would have exhausted even a Jack Russell’s patience. It is fortunate for the Jack Russell then that he is equipped with an adaptability that would put even rats to shame. If humans don’t speak Jack Russell, the Jack Russell will learn to speak some dialect of human. And he will learn this very quickly as well.
Even as a pup, Pluk swiftly learned what was where in any new surroundings. Be it a new home or a temporary holiday location, Pluk knew where the interesting bits were to be found. The fridge, the closet where the food was stored and of course the ever present garbage can. He also knew when treats had been bought, which was by no means a regular thing as treats tended to over excite him.
There is one treat in particular that made him rather weak at the knees and which he devoured with fanatical abandon: dried pig’s ears. I know these are faintly gross to our modern human sensibilities but to the Jack Russell they may just be the most tasty bit of the whole hog.
As a consequence of this, the pig’s ears were always put behind lock and key and high up on a shelve. And even then we kept a wary eye on their position in relation to Pluk’s jaws because we found out very early on that pig’s ears and Pluk are inseparable once the two connect.
The first time we bought pig’s ears, the ears seemed bigger than the pup. We had bought them more as a chewable toy than as food but Pluk thought that was a daft idea. He ran off with the ear and no force in the world was capable of dislodging that ear from his jaws ever again.
This resulted in a bit of a tussle, remember these were the days we naively thought we had bought a dog as opposed to a terrier and we thought that something like this should be given up when he was commanded to. This made Pluk decide to show us our error by using kamikaze tactics: he tried to swallow the ear in one piece rather than give it up. Have you ever seen a Boa Constrictor swallow a prey twice its size? A Jack Russell smiles condescendingly at such a scene and steps up to the plate, “Nice try, amateur, now let a professional handle this.”
After that first near choking disaster, we decided to dole out treats and especially pig’s ears in small doses and cut them up in manageable sizes.
This taught Pluk that to make his wishes known to us he needed a more subtle and a more diplomatic approach. The kamikaze way clearly had its downsides as this resulted in the cutting up of the prize. He would have to learn to speak our language. Or at least he had to learn how to make his wishes known to us in such a way that there was no possibility of misunderstanding him. For this he employed several tricks. How he learned them I have no idea. I can only conclude that he observed humanity, learned from what he saw and then applied what he had learned to achieve his goals.
One such trick involved using facial expressions that were near human. Joy, sadness, disappointment, fear, anger, I have seen them all in situations that would call for a human expression rather than a canine one. Always supremely appropriate to the situation.
Another trick was plain diplomacy. Never a stickler for rules it is strange to suddenly see a Jack Russell behave exemplary. But a Jack Russell knows there are two results from acting as if he is a well trained Labrador: the first is that his owners become less vigilant and the second is that the uninitiated will fall for that cute little face and that wagging little tail quicker than a brick receiving flying lessons.
The resulting goodwill can be used to get one’s way; usually a few crumbs of that delicious looking cooky your eating.
Pluk also learned how to use his whole body to point at what he wanted. There are entire breeds founded on this one ability but I have no doubt whatsoever that the average Jack Russell would be able to give a pointer a run for its money if only Jack Russells could be persuaded to point at what we want instead of what they themselves want. Alas, that will never happen.
Occasionally a new statue materialised in our living room. It was a statue of a Jack Russell whose nose, straight back and flat tail, formed the spitting image of an arrow pointing in a very specific direction. Usually this was the door of the storage cupboard where the dog food and treats were stored. The beauty of this was that he did not just point in the general direction of the door but pointed at the key which opens de door. Not only did he understand how a door works, he also understood that the only reason he could not open the door himself was that it was locked. He had decided that a treat was overdue and he tried to remind us of our errant ways, telling us in passing that it was only due to the key having been turned in the lock that he had to trouble us for this minor issue.
Another regular instance of body language which can not be misunderstood happened during sunny days. Even if only one ray of sunlight entered the room Pluk was in it. However, the floor was not the most comfortable place to lie on, so instead he went to the sunny spot, stood there and assumed a very patient stance. It might take a while but one of the humans in the room was bound to notice a terrier standing at an unusual spot with his back turned, just waiting.
If something like a magazine stand or ornamental bowl happened to be in the sunny spot, he just climbed the object and managed to garner our attention a little more quickly. With a little bit of luck the humans understood that a cushion or some other doggy bed might be a lot more comfortable than the bare floor planks or the magazine stand. And he was usually right.
But if all else failed, if the humans just did not see your point you had to resort to even more unambiguous methods. You ended up having to take the dunces by the hand and lead them. Literally. Pluk had learned to take a finger or some other part of our hand in his mouth and lead us to the desired spot. And he enjoyed this game so much that he often took a rather elaborate detour. So we were often led on a tour around the house, on which we moved bend over like an impersonation of Quasimodo. Sometimes we were led from the front door to where the other canine resident’s lair was situated, which meant Pluk felt like walkies. Or sometimes we were led around all the occupants of the room, which meant it was time for a group hug.
And yet, occasionally, even a Jack Russell fails to make a human understand what his needs are. Humans can be pretty thick on occasion. You twist your face, you point, you lead them by the hand and still they do not understand. Or maybe your wants of the moment have their roots in the realm of the insubstantial, the imaginary. In that case there is only one route left open to you: talk about it. Enthusiastically and energetically explain to your human owners what has crossed your mind. Just stand there and orate.
Although Jack Russells have not learned our speech – yet – they do have a capacity for approximating it. Pluk used to produce a sound that was not a growl and not a bark. It had many tonal elements and might be best likened to the creak of a heavy door opening. When listened to carefully one could even distinguish sentences and words.
What this language meant exactly, I have never learned but it was definitely an attempt at trying to communicate with us. Pluk used this when he wanted something but had failed to get his point across. He would stand in front of you, look you straight in the eyes and begin a long oration about why he should be granted his wishes. All the time he wagged his tail just to make sure that any misunderstandings resulting from his strange dialect were meant in the most friendly and well meaning way.
In the end though, a Jack Russell almost always gets his way. Whether he has been successful in communicating with us or not. Sheer stubborn tenacity will get a Jack Russell whatever he wants or wherever he wants to go. Even if asking for it first was either not understood or has met with a negative reply. After all, the deal with humans is being negotiated on an ongoing basis and a misunderstanding or a firm ‘no’ on one specific occasion has no bearing whatsoever on what ostensibly seems to be the same situation five minutes later but is in fact a totally new set of circumstances. Which needs to be re-negotiated as a matter of course.
Good language skills are paramount to owning a Jack Russell because Jack Russells learn very quickly that we will never speak ‘dog’ so they will invent their own hybrid language to make their wishes known to us. The average Jack Russell owner will need to learn several new languages during the Jack Russell’s tenure if a harmonious diplomatic atmosphere is to be maintained. Diplomacy is a matter of give and take and for you to be able to give and for the Jack Russell to take, both of you will need to find a common language. As per usual, the Jack Russell will learn rather more quickly than his human cohabitants.










